The PND Rat

The PND rat was a baddie
The PND rat was a beast
He took what he wanted and ate what he took
His life was one long feast
His teeth were sharp and yellow
His manners were rough and rude
And the PND rat went riding - riding - riding
Riding into motherhood
And stealing a mother's good mood

A new mum came walking a long the road
Then stopped with her hands in the air,
For blocking her way was the PND Rat,
Who cried out, "Who goes there?"

"Give me your smiles and joy!
Your happiness you'll have to fake
For I am the Rat of PND
and whatever I want I take!"

"I have no joy" the new mum replied
"I just have this motherhood book"
The PND rat gave a scornful look
but he ordered "Hand it over"

"This book is bound to be useless.
This book is dull as can be,
But I am the Rat of PND
and this book belongs to me!"

A dad came bounding along the road
then stopped with a shake and a shiver,
For reining his horse was the PND Rat,
who thundered "Stand and deliver"!

"Give me your hopes and dreams.
Here are some horrid nightmares.
For I am the Rat of PND
and sometimes I like to share"

"I have no dreams" the dad replied
"I was told to hand them over
to another Rat who looks like you.
I feel my life is over"

The robber snatched the last dream and snarled
"I'll have no ifs or buts.
These dreams are probably rubbish.
These dreams are as crap as can be.
But I am the Rat of PND
and these dreams belong to me."

A gang of mummies came down the road
All pushing a gleaming pram
In their way was the PND Rat who gave one a high impact ram
"You! Why are you with people?
You're as shit as can be.
For I am the Rat of PND
and your confidence belongs to me!"

"Leave her alone" one mummy replied.
"Don't give her anymore grief."
"It's ok" said PND mum
"I give in. You happiness thief".

With never a please or a thank you,
The Rat carried on in this way.
Took sleep from one mum!
Gave fear to the next!
Saying "it's not okay
to talk about this to anyone"
"Just put up and shut up you see?"

A GP came waddling down the road
Then stopped with a "How do you do?"
"I see you have nothing" the Rat complained....
"Just a waiting list for CBT"
"By the time that wait is over..
your patient will belong to me"

"Hang on" quacked the doc, "for I have a prescription"...."goodies you might prefer"
"This piece of paper will lead you to light."
"At least I hope it's a cure."
"For I have no time to speak to you.
Ten minutes will have to do.
So please take this paper and cash it in.
I think you'll like them I do".

Off went the vermin
Prescription in hand
to a late night pharmacy
"I'll have as many as you've got
These goodies belong to me!"

The Rat found himself by a lonely cave
And the doctor gave him a shove
"In you go. You PND"
"I hope that you find love"

"What a strange thing to say" said PND
"I'll find no love in there"
"For it's dark and black"
" And nobody knows what's going on for me"

But after a week or maybe two
A light began to flicker
Far away it was at first
And then came into view

Holding the light was a dear friend
With a gentle smile on her face
"I know how you feel" said little mouse
"I've also fallen from grace".

"I had a litter of mouselings."
"All teeny and wonderfully cute".
"But then came a haze. A terrible phase"
"And now I think I'm a brute"

"I'm the worse mummy ever."
"I'm as shit as can be."
"I'm just not worth loving."
"Cos PND happened to me".

PND felt dreadful
"I'm sorry I was such a rat"
"I was just wanted some of that love and then I grew horribly fat"
"Mummy love is so strong. I wanted some you see.
"But I took too much . I ruined them"
"And now I know. I see"

"I'll give it back. That love I took"
"I'll give it back to those
who want to love their little ones and kiss their tiny toes.
"But first they need to love themselves.
"I'll give them back their courage."
"To fight this illness once and for all."
"I want to see them flourish".

One by one the mums and dads
saw it wasn't their fault
For PND rat was a horrible "t**t"
and they put it in a vault

Some days were a battle
PND wanted out you see
But the mums and dads fought on and on
And one day they were free

Free from guilt and loathing
Free from low self-worth
For the thing that was lost
Was love for themselves
But it grew back slowly.



Based on the story The Highway Rat by Julia Donaldson. Illustrated by Axel Scheffler.


----------------------


If you need help with pre or postnatal illness, come along to our weekly drop in group which starts again on Mon 7th Sept 10.45-12.15 at St George's Church, Poynton.

Email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk
www.facebook.com/poyntonPANDAS

Meet our Volunteer Peer Supporter - Charlotte

My name is Charlotte Humphreys, I am 24 and mummy to 2 children.

I have been studying for the past 12 months, and will do for the next 12 in order to make it onto the Midwifery programme where it will lead me to a career I am passionate about and will ultimately love.

In between studies I love to spend quality time with my children, together and separately. On the odd occasion I see have time without my children, I love and appreciate "me time" where I catch up with close friends, have dinner out, go to the cinema or even just paint my nails!

I discovered PANDAS whilst looking into areas I could study to help with my future education, training and personal support I provide to close friends.

Perinatal Mental Health has been an issue close to my heart after suffering Prenatal Depression with my first child and Postnatal Depression with my second. Originally with Prenatal Depression I didn't even realise what was wrong. It never occurred that my tearfulness, low energy, constant sleeping, feeling of "alienation", wanting to hide my baby bump and not wanting others to talk about my baby was actually my state of mind. I didn't have the confidence to even speak to my Midwife at my antenatal appointment!

Postnatal Depression didn't occur until my second child was 15 months old, again never realising that it could occur so long after birth! I didn't know of anyone to talk to so I immediately went to the doctors and expressed my concerns of feeling as though I wanted to run away from my family, never feeling adequate or I was doing things right. I felt all the struggles that come with being a mum was personal, a target just for me, not something that is shared by every parent at some stage!

I am here to provide support, understanding and a friendly hug; things I didn't feel I had when I was unwell. If I'd found a peer support group like PANDAS, I might have felt I had more options than going on medication straight away.

I want to be able to give the opportunity for anyone experiencing similar situations to myself or the other PANDAS Peer Supporters, to feel at ease, and free from judgement. I want them to seek advice and feel relief from the strain of this illness which I didn't have outside of my family.

Charlotte xx

---------------------------------

If you could do with someone to talk with about pre or postnatal mental health, come along to our weekly drop in group which starts again on Monday 7th September at St George's Church, Poynton 10.45-12.15. Children are very welcome. It's a free, no pressure, supportive environment.

email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk

www.facebook.com/poyntonPANDAS

Modern motherhood is a bitch

With recent figures suggesting that 1 in 7 mothers have some form of mental health problem following the birth of their child, and a Guardian article from 2014 showing a rise in doctors prescribing antidepressants, particularly among women, I wonder what has gone wrong? These days it seems that modern motherhood is so challenging that you won't need to chat to too many mums before they admit anxiety, insomnia, stress and the fact that they too take some form of antidepressant.

I often wonder whether our society has a lot to answer for. Dispersed families, both parents working silly hours, the "have it all" generation. Hmmmm I somehow feel we have so much stress in our modern lives that something has to give. Inevitably it's our mental health. After all, there's only so long you can run on that treadmill and juggle all of those balls and babies before you pop. I'm guilty of it myself. I learned very quickly that success in life wasn't all about achieving, working hard, achieving, working harder and always striving for that perfect life. Except that perfect life, I now realise, is the one we are living now. Not the one that we will get if we clean our houses more, run around in endless circles more, connecting with endless friends on social media more. No this life is happening now. Right now. Stop. Look around you. What do you see? Probably the people that mean the most in the world to you than anything. They're here and needing us in this moment. Just slow down and connect with your children. They won't be little forever but that hoovering will still be there.

If you look closely at us modern mums you will often see wild eyes, sometimes with a little adrenaline tick in the corner. An inability to concentrate or to hold a conversation. Trying our hardest to keep a lid on those bubbling feelings of "if one more thing goes wrong today, I'm really going to lose it". Pick us up and give us a shake and you'll hear the familiar rattle of a bottle of pills. We're popping antidepressants like vitamin tablets. We're at the end of our tethers.

Modern motherhood sucks!! There's too much expected of us. A recent question on a local mums social media page illustrates my point. "How do I get a balance in my life when both of us work full time and we have two small children?" The lady was quite clearly sinking but the answers given didn't acknowledge her subtle cry for help. The answers told her to go faster,do more, schedule, plan, batch cook, lose your mind. Having succumbed to postnatal depression for a number of reasons; social isolation, exhaustion and having very high and unrealistic expectations of myself, I would now give this answer. Modern motherhood is a bitch. But you can chose whether you enter that world with dreams of clean chubby faces, clean ironed linen, meeting every deadline, running around in circles, engaging in every social occasion, cooking healthy meals from scratch every night and killing yourself in the process. The alternative is a messy house, some healthy meals, lots of fun, no unrealistic deadlines and being really gentle and kind to yourself.

This is the time in our lives that we will look back on with the biggest regrets and I guarantee you it won't be about not achieving those standards we set ourselves, it will be because we didn't spend our time with the most precious things in our lives - our children.

Modern motherhood is hard but you can choose how you tackle it.

Rhiannon xx

You are not alone

Tick, tock, tick, tock went that clock. The one above the twins high chairs. It was the third time that day I had wrestled their little plump bodies into those no-nonsense, easy clean Ikea chairs. Here we go again I thought. At least feeding time at the zoo would eat away at some of those very veeeeery looooong minutes. But no. Every time I stared up at that clock no more than 1 minute had passed. When would I next see another adult? I couldn't expect Paul home from work til 8pm and I didn't know anyone else in the village. I'd missed the baby & toddler groups as Twin 1 desperately needed to sleep while Twin 2 desperately wanted to be held. Maybe I would phone mum? Nah best not - it will only worry her and she's too far away to help.

God I feel so alone. I'm constantly in company with the babies but I have never felt so alone. Quick - let's check Facebook. What's everyone up to? Blah Blah Blah all leading happy, normal, non-postnatal depression lives. What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? I wanted these babies so much. It took so long for them to be made and an eon for them to be here with me. So wanted. So loved. So f****ing needy and not giving me a second to process what is going on in my mind. Why does nobody else feel this way?

Right tomorrow I will.... tomorrow I will really try to get us up and out and meeting people. We need to integrate, get back into society. But nobody knows me and what happens if....? Shit I'm going to have to pretend that I've got it together. Surely nobody would be remotely interested in meeting the new woman in the village with her twins..... Ok well I'll see how we are tomorrow before I decide if WE (I) are up to it...

I met someone. Well I went to the Health Visitor session and I met a few people. They were nice, friendly. I didn't tell them how I was feeling of course. Who would want to know that? We smiled and chatted and talked about bottle or breast, sleep or no sleep - you know the usual. But I'm sure nobody would understand if I truly opened up. They would think I was a freak. No other mums feel like this do they?

Why am I awake? It's 2am and the twins are asleep. I've been up since 6am and not sat down since. Now I'm lying down in this nice comfy bed and the house is quiet. Nobody needs me. Try to relax. Come on try to relax. Just go to sleep. Look the best case scenario at this point is 4 hours sleep. Please just. go. to. sleep. God what's wrong with me? I'm soooooo tired but I'm sooooooo ANGRY!!! Why do I have this problem? I'm so tired of hiding it from some and trying to explain it to others. It's a bloody nightmare.

I went to a baby & toddler group this morning. The twins were in their pjs. Well I couldn't risk trying to get them dressed and then out of the house. They were fed, nappies changed and I couldn't face choosing outfits so I bundled them into the car. I was in my pjs too (under my jumper). I'd nappy wiped my face, scraped my hair back and all I could think of was the promise of tea and toast.... I went!! I met Helen. I really get on well with her. I told her I've been struggling and I think she understands. She hinted she felt similarly. Oh the relief!

I got an email today. It was from the Children's Centre asking if any parents wanted to help set up a support group for people with low mood. I've responded and said yes. Well I need some help don't I and surely I'll get to speak to some people who feel the same way. I would really welcome a proper conversation about how I'm feeling without a "put-on sympathy/judgemental" expression being fired my way.

I think this is going to help me. Don't get me wrong it's going to be hard. I'm not well you see but we have insisted that a Health Visitor comes to all our sessions in case us parents are too poorly to attend. I'm excited. I'm grateful to have a purpose every week. Come on you evil, destructive, isolating depression. Let's be having you!

I talk to everyone about perinatal mental health now. The twins are nearly 4. We are so happy. Don't get me wrong I have my bad days. But they are far fewer than ever before. They scare me as I think I'm going back there again but I don't. I think I must be the village pin up for someone who has had PND but I don't care. I want people to know they are not alone. It's important to me that mums realise it's normal to feel mentally unwell during or after pregnancy. Dads get it too - I didn't know that 4 years ago.

I am so grateful. So grateful to have fought and overcome this miserable, silent, debilitating condition. I have met some of the nicest people ever by having this illness. I count them as friends for life.

You are not alone.

We are here too.

Rhiannon xx

------------------------

If you need someone to talk with contact Poynton PANDAS Support Group by emailing psppoynton@aol.co.uk or like our facebook page www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

If we are not close to you, contact PANDAS by visiting http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

The PND after party

"Are you recovered now?" asked a lovely Health Visitor and Trustee yesterday at the PANDAS annual conference. We'd just met and exchanged pleasantries over breakfast. She had said she was really keen to meet me and had been watching "all the great things" I've been doing with the Poynton PANDAS Support Group. "Ummmm yes" I said "I feel much better these days but I still like to use the term in recovery" when it comes to explaining how I am since having had postnatal depression which started 3.5 years ago......

I didn't like to bore her with the details because in my head, she didn't really want to know how I was. Much like the other delegates at the Conference who I barely knew - I'm sure they didn't give a damn if I was there or not. You see this for me is the aftermath of postnatal depression. This is the PND after party in all it's self-doubting, over-analysing, tending towards the negative glory.

"Don't be so hard on yourself" my husband still says on the days and nights that I just can't see past my own weaknesses and and failures. "Just look at the twins. They're brilliant and that's mostly down to you". I believe him. I know he says these words and means them but I just can't accept them. You see the problem is.... the problem is that I must be weak and I must be a failure because I had postnatal depression. I feel that I carry that trophy around with me every day. Screw the kids being happy and healthy, the fun times we have as a family, the fact that I have all I want in the world - I'm a big, fat PND failure.

"I want you to have the flower shaped playdough piece" says Bea as I write this blog post. "Why do you want me to have it?" I ask. Because "you the best mummy" says a beaming 3 year old with pink rosy cheeks. "Hmmmmm I think. I'm alright. But I'm probably a bit shit. Yes I'm definitely a bit shit because I got ill, I lost my job and now the best I can do is to volunteer. What a loser!

I met some lovely people yesterday at the conference. The day wasn't so bad after all! People seemed genuinely pleased to meet me.... or did they?!! There were many moments of pride and relief yesterday as I looked around the room and saw it was full of people who had been poorly with perinatal mental illness. "I feel quite emotional" said one delegate and fellow Support Group Leader. "I've never been with so many people who have had PND and overcome it". The relief on her face was plain to see. At last there was an acceptance in the room as well as a deeper personal acceptance and acknowledgement of the fight we have all fought and overcome.

The highlight for me was meeting author Olivia Siegl of the brilliant blog The Baby Bible - the no bullshit guide to motherhood http://www.the-baby-bible.com/blog/ . I love Olivia's honest, upfront, no bullshit style in her writing and I was moved to see that she is a survivor just like me. Olivia, with all of her successes and followers, stood up to speak to us and spoke candidly about how her self-doubt and low self-esteem had led her to nearly cancel her appearance at the conference. Damn that evil PND but thank goodness I thought. At last I heard someone speak by inner thoughts out load. Even Olivia Siegl doesn't think she's good enough. It's not just me.

So I'm now going to write some new invitations to my next PND afterparty. Self-doubt, low self-worth and self-loathing - you can do one! I am in cohoots with my new army of survivors. They're called "You can do it", "Just give it a go", "Why not?", "Do it now and worry later". These guys are the new in-crowd!!

Lots of love
Rhiannon (PND Survivor) (and proud) xx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9lyzadA870&feature=youtu.be

--------------

If you are struggling with pre or postnatal mental health issues and need some support, please come along to our support group Poynton PANDAS every term-time Monday 10.45-12.15 @ St George's Church Hall, Poynton or email psppoynton@aol.co.uk

www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

For information on how PANDAS can help you or to find a support group close to you, visit http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Milk allergies, sleep deprivation and the postnatal depression haze

Hi my name is Alyssa and I'm a relatively new Poynton PANDAS Group Member.

My son J is 2 and I am slowly adjusting to life as a mum.  It's not all rainbows and butterflies like some people lead you to believe.  I had a good pregnancy, easy labour, I turned up at hospital fully dilated.  I went on to have the perfect water birth, in fact I would do that again tomorrow.  However it all seemed to go downhill from then.

In all honesty the first few months, if not first year of J's life is a blur to me.  We had feeding problems which resulted in a short hospital stay after J was born.  I ended up having to express and cup feed J for what seemed like forever.  Eventually 2 weeks in I broke down and 'gave in', I started to give J formula.  Now I know what you're thinking. I bet you thought that would be a lot easier.  In J's case though it wasn't as that was the start of our journey, which ended up with him being diagnosed with Cows Milk Protein Allergy.

J spent most of his newborn days crying and sleeping very little.  We put this down to him being a newborn baby, that's what they do isn't it.  However he would cry for a feed, take ages and fuss when feeding.  Then he would be unsettled for ages before finally falling asleep for maybe 20 minutes before the cycle started again.  I lasted 4 weeks before he had a sleepover at grandmas.  I physically couldn't function I was getting barely 3 hours of broken sleep a night.  When he went to stay at my mums I wasn't remotely upset, I didn't miss him.  This then made me feel guilty for not missing him , sounds daft doesnt it.


When J was 4 months old I went to the doctors about him having reflux but I ended up breaking down on the GP.  I got referred for CBT and given Anti Depressents.  At the time I didn't think CBT was that helpful but looking back it has definitely made me question my thoughts and feelings when I am feeling down.  I found the fact I did CBT 1 to 1 and in person was a big help to me rather than an online course.  I ended up stopping my AD's as I ran out and got into the cycle of not being able to go to get another prescription.  At my worst point I was to afraid to go out of the house incase J started crying and people thought I was a bad mum as I couldn't make him stop.  Eventually with the help of others I managed to slowly walk round the block each day and built it up.  Everytime I went out I just secretly hoped that I wouldn't bump into anyone.


When I finally made it back to the GP and started back on the AD's I noticed a massive difference.  I still take them now but that is nothing I am ashamed of.  I am in a much better place now but still have my down episodes but I can notice when it is happening more now. One of the things I find helpful is getting out of the house even when I don't feel like it.  That is where Poynton PANDAS has come in handy.  I also suffer from anxiety and going out and J playing up is part of that worry.  I have been made to feel welcome at the group and have explained to Rhi this problem.  This in itself is half of the problem solved as I know if J does play up they understand.   Most recently with evil teething I have been having a bad time but I made myself go to the Poynton PANDAS group and can safely say that it lifted my mood whilst I was there.

I actually started a blog as a coping mechanism for my PND www.mumtomonster.com  It was a way for me to get my feelings and thoughts out of my head.  It has now turned into an online diary as such and a way to store memories as I cannot remember so much of the first year because of the PND haze.  Depression is nothing to be ashamed about and I have never had a problem opening up about it.  This was one of the things that annoyed me as apparently talking about depression helps you recover, but in my case it didn't.

..........

If you could do with some understanding company when times are hard, come to Poynton PANDAS weekly drop-in support group.

Every term time Monday 10.45-12.15 at St George's Church Hall, Poynton.

For more information email psppoynton@aol.co.uk

www.facebook.com/poyntonPANDAS

The fear

fear fɪə/

noun: fear; plural noun: fears

    1.an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

    synonyms: terror, fright, fearfulness, horror, alarm, panic, agitation, trepidation, dread, consternation, dismay, distress. 

 

When I got poorly the first and the second time, the thing that drove my illness and fed my illness was fear. My fear would come in the evening and build up to a crescendo of distress by the time it was bed time. Bed time was the thing I dreaded the most. The next morning was my second biggest fear.

In both cases there wasn't really any perceivable threat. There was no bear to fight off during the night and my house wasn't under attack. It just felt scary. Well perhaps not scary but there was a definite overwhelming feeling of dread and foreboding.

The first time round I was poorly and stressed from work. This had led to a feeling of being caught on a hamster wheel where the only possible solution I could find at the time was to go faster. Surely my distress with the constant deadlines and demands of meeting multiple clients' needs would be to multitask more? To do more. Doing more and going faster would get me to that end goal and the world would be a better place. Right? Wrong....

The second time I was poorly the symptoms were identical. The way I reacted to my symptoms was the same too. This time though the clients - a dynamic duo born on a hot sweaty day, were even more demanding than the last lot! These guys didn't know the meaning of clocking off and played me like a fiddle! With each feed taking an hour plus and winding and burping another 20 mins, by the time I had put one down the clock was ticking. I had an hour and a half before twin 1 needed more milk and I hadn't even started on twin 2 yet.  The demands of a busy advertising agency had nothing on these. These clients were the toughest yet and their little cries had a hotline to my heart.

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm

This fear or THE FEAR as I now call it is remarkably clever. It sneaks in when you're at your most vulnerable. For me it never escalated above agitation, insomnia and the odd panic attack. I'm well aware that for some dealing with anxiety, THE FEAR is terrifying. THE FEAR for some is constant, unwielding and very very frightening. Intrusive thoughts, psychosis, paranoia coupled with a foreceful desire for it to end. I know in some ways I got off lightly but it didn't feel like that to me at the time.

THE FEAR unfortunately still lives on in me. It's not always there but can tiptoe up to me and touch tackle me from time to time. It's made a return for a couple of weeks again . It's decided to take up residence in my mind for a short while. I know why it's come back. It's because I took my eye of the ball a bit. I forgot that in order to fight THE FEAR I needed to be fully armed and in cohoots with its arch-enemy Calmness and Confidence. Hey where did you guys go? Oh yes.... you ebbed away when I started doing too much again. I got cocky didn't I and started to juggle too many balls again. Let me slap my wrists.

I need to ensure that I prioritise me as much as I can in a busy household where others' needs seem far more pressing than my own. Cancel those unnecessary engagements, throw away that to-do list, baton down the hatches and let's concentrate on me and my needs for a bit. It's a matter of survival you see. THE FEAR according to a very clever counsellor can be combatted, in my case, by not going into battle with it. By sitting with it and acknowledging it and by being very very kind to myself. Wish me luck. See you on the other side.

...............

If you need help with dealing with anxiety. please contact:
Poynton PANDAS (pre and postnatal depression and support)

email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk

www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

Free drop-in group every Monday during term-time
St George's Church Hall, Poynton
10.45-12.15

Dear Sally

Dear Sally

I received a message today. It came from PANDAS Foundation. It said very little. In fact it just had your name, email and telephone number. I was really happy to get your message. I was pleased that you have reached out. My name is Rhiannon. I'm 38 years old and mum to 3.5 year old twins Will & Bea. I run Poynton PANDAS Support Group in Cheshire.

So I wonder what brought you to the point where you sent the request to PANDAS? Are you poorly or are you concerned about someone else? Have you been diagnosed with pre or postnatal illness or do you need a chat about your symptoms?

Let me tell you a bit about me and the group. As I said I'm Rhiannon and I'm a volunteer peer supporter. There are 5 of us all together - well 6 if you count Julia our counsellor - she's fab! We've all suffered from pre or postnatal illness and we're surprised how it has affected us all so differently. You see I didn't get ill until my twins were about 6 months old - it was mostly anxiety and insomnia for me. For our other volunteers it was different. Some were really poorly during pregnancy but much better postnatally and not all of us have suffered with every baby. Anyway I'm digressing..... How are you?

All I know about you so far is that you would like to join our group. I really hope you do. We run a small, welcoming and friendly "baby & toddler" style group. It's free and you can bring your little ones too if you want to. One of the main things we aim to do is provide a weekly, safe place where parents can chat. It can be hard at first for our new members as they often feel so much shame when they first arrive. We can meet you first for a coffee if you would like. We can come down to the carpark and help you walk into group for the first time. Whatever makes you feel comfortable really.

You'll get a brew and biscuits and plenty of time to talk about what's happening with you. You'll hopefully feel a massive sense of relief knowing that you're among people you can be honest with. No more hiding or pretending required with us.

We sometimes have an artist who comes to do arts n crafts with the kids. We sometimes have volunteers who show us how to massage our babies and toddlers but most of all, we just sit, drink tea, play with the kids and chat.

I hope to meet you soon,



Rhiannon.

--------------

Poynton PANDAS - a support group for parents suffering pre and postnatal illness
Every Monday during term-time
10.45-12.15
St George's Church Hall, Poynton

email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk
www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

"I'll see if we've got time to see you this YEAR"

These are the words that have been ringing in my head all afternoon.

Hi I'm Rhiannon. I'm a mum. I've been poorly with postnatal depression. I'm better now thank goodness. I've been trying to help other parents ever since. Since September 2012, my little team of mums have given their time voluntarily to help other parents who are struggling with the crippling symptoms of pre and postnatal illness.

So when I speak to a local Health Visitor in order to meet with her team to be able to deliver the good news that we can help their heavy workload, we can provide support to poorly parents .... you can probably understand why the phrase "I'll see if we've got time to see you this YEAR" has got under my skin. 30 minutes was all I asked for. 30 minutes to tell them we exist, we are here, we have helped nearly 70 mums in 2 years and the final sell "Please will you let poorly parents know about us".

It's not much to ask is it?

Oh wait it seems it is. I had a similar response from the local GP surgery yesterday. "We are booked up for the next few months". "We'll get back to you"..... Hmmm why don't I believe them?

What about the Children's Centre.... surely they will be keen as mustard to be able to tell parents that a peer support service exists in their town. It's a place they can go every week and feel some relief from knowing they're not freaks of nature and that being poorly with OCD or anxiety or horrible intrusive thoughts or insomnia does not make them a bad parent. In fact they are in good company because as many as 1 in 5 new mums will feel this way. No still waiting......

I remember very clearly feeling so desperately lonely. I was a mum of twins in a new village struggling with PND. I went to the doctor - they gave me pills and no support. I went to the Health Visitor, they came to see me once. No further support. I would have given anything to be able to speak to another mum and just say how it was. I would have given anything for that other mum to say "yeah me too"!!! I see such relief on the faces of our mums when you listen, understand and support them and what's more understand them.

There are days I feel so close to giving up doing this. There are days when I want to stop phoning and emailing people who aren't interested. People in powerful positions who could just say "yes" "give us some leafets" "we'll let people know about you". But today is not that day.

Poynton PANDAS
Peer Support Drop-in Group
Mondays (term-time) 10.45-12.15
St George's Church, Poynton

www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

Getting a handle on depression

Hi my name is Rachel and I'm a Poynton PANDAS Group Member.

I have suffered with depression a few times in my life and I have mastered a few techniques which most certainly help fight it and I hope keep it at bay. I’d like to share them with you so that hopefully you might find some of them useful to your situation. Everyone is different and what works for one may not work for another but I have found some basic principles and tools which do seem to help and if it’s ok with you I’d like to share them with you.

Although I didn’t actually get depressed after having my little boy, the sleepless nights, hormones and the lack of support made me at times very irritable with my husband and a nightmare to be around which I’m not proud of. Luckily my husband could see I was unwell and eventually accepted I needed help. But I got back on track and have been well for several months now.

But I’m no stranger to depression or the Black Dog as Churchill referred to his depression, when I think back I remember those awful feelings, how it feels to want to hide away from the world, do nothing and curl up in a ball. To basically feel like you are a stone statue unable to move, it can be very debilitating. Coupled with anxiety it makes for a vicious circle. Staying home in your house and avoiding people just makes the symptoms worse – along with the fact that you have a little one wanting to go the park or play means on top of all that you feel guilty. It’s hard. Anyone who sees people as weak with this condition are just plain ignorant. Like any illness, we just need the right tools to pick ourselves up and get well again.

BUT there is light at the end of the tunnel – like thousands of others I’m proof of it – these are simply my thoughts and tools I use –  I hope you find some tips from today and you come away with hope rather than despair. Feel free to ask any questions.

1)      Depression is not a lifelong prison sentence even if it feels that way right now – you can come out of it and live a happy fulfilling life. You can enjoy life again. With the right tools this will happen.

2)      Depression does alter your view of the world around you, the way people perceive you and the way you perceive yourself and others. Remember and accept this negative view is part of the illness and not the reality. Be kind to yourself.

3)      When all you really want to do is hide away under the duvet if you were to do that it would just perpetuate the condition for longer and most likely worsen the symptoms. Think beyond how you feel right now and visualize a time in the near future when you are well again and happy – its not far away.

Tools for improving mood

EXERCISE

Light cardiovascular exercise – a walk in the forest, a gentle run in the park with your kids, playing with your dog, a half hour swim – it doesn’t have to be too strenuous to have an impact – but it will release the feel good hormones, endorphins and automatically make you feel slightly better even if you didn’t want it to. When the last thing you want to do is some exercise – just think – this is going to help me and in half an hour I’m not going to feel as rotten as I do now. In short, it works! Choose something you like doing – maybe you could persuade your partner or a friend to join you in a dance class every week – that would encourage you to commit to it too.

I’ve been practicing yoga for many years and find that very therapeutic too – it centres the mind whilst relaxing and calming your thoughts. I feel focused and energized afterwards. As mums we don’t have much spare time so other ideas are dancing round the living room to some of your favourite music with your little one. My son loves it! Getting away from the house on your own though has many beneficial effects – you need a bit of me time each week.

HEALTHY FOOD

Everything we eat has an effect on our body and on our mind. I find eating lots of slow releasing energy carbs such as oats, quinoa, brown rice help balance my mood (and blood sugar). Along with lots of fresh unprocessed foods – fruit and veg, cheeses, fish. Oily fish such as salmon, trout, anchovies has EPA and DHA Omega 3 fatty acids which have been proven to prevent depression and improve brain function – this is why eskimos hardly ever suffer with depression. I eat salmon at least twice a week.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/309847-fish-containing-highest-levels-of-epa-dha/

http://www.cbn.com/health/naturalhealth/drsears_depression.aspx

I drink very little caffeine nowadays (which gives me spikes of caffeine highs followed by tremendous lows), I instead drink Aldi decaff ( the best instant I’ve found!) or a Nespresso decaff for a treat or chamomile and honey tea. I also drink lots of sparkling water. I’m impressed by how good decaff in cafes is nowadays too and I don’t get that awful shaky feeling afterwards.

I find chamomile brilliant for reducing anxiety- the sister of depression as many of us know. Valerian tea is apparently even more effective at reducing depression but I’ve not tried it myself yet.

If you are one of those girls who rushes for chocolate when feeling down (and I still love chocolate!) then try something equally as sweet like mango, banana or berries and melon – these are going to give you that sugar hit but do you a lot more good in the process. I invested in a juicer which is really good as I love the sweetness of the juices and it curbs my desire for mounds of chocolate later on. Equally if you can manage a small amount of chocolate and it makes you feel better then perhaps use it as a reward for doing one of the other healthy actions. I found dark chocolate and slices of pear quite nice and hits the spot!

If you are feeling anxious light foods such as melon, berries, steamed veg are good for calming you. Avoid any spicy foods which could make you feel worse.

Unsurprisingly cutting out or dramatically reducing alcohol (a depressant) and nicotine ( a mood de-balancer to say the least) will definitely help. I gave up smoking eight years ago after reading Easyway to give up Smoking by Allen Carr- no gimmicks, no nicotine replacement, no cravings. Best thing I ever did.

MINDFULNESS

This is doing an activity where you are 100% absorbed in that activity and don’t have chance to think bad thoughts – it is brilliant! Different activities work for different people of course and choose something you love doing. For me I cook, knit, jog and practice yoga. All of them help me to switch off. Mindfulness can also be being aware of all your senses – for example a walk in the forest – listen out for different birdcalls, smell the pine trees, listen to the dog barking etc.

This article is proof that knitting and other textile making hobbies really do calm anxiety levels and help soothe.

https://www.yahoo.com/makers/happiness-is-a-needle-and-thread-away-the-mental-113527012940.html

AROMATHERAPY

For relaxation and to curb anxiety, I find lavender and basil oil excellent at reducing stress levels – I put a couple of drops of one or the other on my pillow at night and I forget all about my worries. Equally I put about 5-10 drops in total in the bath which also works well. Chamomile oil and rose oil are good although personally I’m not keen on the smell of the former – bit of a haystack!

You can blend them with carrier oils such as jojoba or almond oil and put them on a tissue to carry around if you need to.

ACUPUNCTURE

One particularly bad bout of depression affected my sleep pattern and I became an insomniac for the first time – I was waking up 5 times a night (worse than after having my son!!) so after going to the GP who could only offer sleeping pills which I didn’t want to take, I was walking past a Chinese acupuncture practice where the sign – “cure insomnia” suddenly caught my eye. It was a complete revelation and within two sessions I not only slept normally again but I felt like a light had been switched on in terms of mood – I felt my old self again – definitely worth it – personally I would recommend a Chinese acupuncturist rather than Western one as they train for seven years in China and you can find a list of recommended practitioners with TCM online.

In acupuncture, depression occurs when the liver (responsible for mood) is not functioning properly and the acupuncture rebalances the chi (energy) in the body and mind and strengthens the liver.

SUPPORT

It’s amazing how important it is to have a good circle of friends around you that understand what you are going through. Sometimes if your partner is not being as supportive as you would like a friendly ear is just what you need to keep going.

As well as in the real world, social networks can be useful occasionally – on Facebook I discovered a page called Project Happiness which has some brilliant advice and posts.

BEING GRATEFUL

I write three positive things that happened to me each day at the end of the day. It makes me realise things aren’t as bad as I sometimes think they are.

I rest when I can – I no longer overdo it – I have to accept I can’t do everything I want to do and I realise that for me this works and keeps me well which as a mother and wife is my responsibility. 

In summary these are my tools that I use to keep depression at bay – I hope some of them will help you too.

.......

If you would like support in managing and overcoming depression please come along to our drop in group on Mondays at St George's Church in Poynton.

Email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk

Or visit www.facebook.com/poyntonPANDAS

My husband has postnatal depression

Steve

I had no idea why I was feeling like I was feeling.  Our daughter was very happy and healthy and my wife embraced her new role as a mother.  I attributed my feelings to a lack of sleep and dealing with the momentous change that happened when our daughter was born.  I had read articles that “love” between a father and his child can take some time to develop so I wasn’t too worried. 

I’ve never really felt comfortable around kids.  Growing up my brothers would interact with the baby cousins and I just could never find myself “googooing” and “gagaing” and doing that kind of stuff.  However, I figured when my own child was born I would have no choice and it would come naturally to me.  Anyway, after my daughter was born I did what I could in terms of looking after her so I jumped in with the baths and changing and feeding occasionally.  My wife breastfed so I would do an occasional bottle feed to give my wife a break.  

After a few months of doing the dad thing, I found myself not feeling right.  I was very irritable and generally being a bit of an asshole.  Evidence of this is in the swear jar that had something like 200 pounds in it after 3 months (1 pound a swear in front of my daughter).  I remember grudgingly doing things that my daughter needed.  I hated feeding her, dressing her, hearing her cry, everything.  It was bad but I attributed it to lack of sleep or something.  After all, I wasn’t aware that paternal postnatal depression was a thing.  As part of my embracing of my new role as a dad, I started following various social media sites to read articles about fatherhood/parenthood and maybe laugh at some of the unfortunate incidents around diaper changes!  Anyway, one of the sites I followed posted a clickbait article that was titled something along the lines of “we need to talk about a condition affecting dads.”  You’ve seen the type of headline so I figured it’d be something about exercise or getting enough sleep.  It was actually about some of the symptoms of paternal postnatal depression and it was like reading a diary of my recent life.  It was very eye opening and it prompted me to do some further research.  Being me, I like to be sure about things before going further with any formal treatment.  While I had my various browser windows open, my wife saw what I was looking at and we talked about what I was looking at.  To be honest, I would have rather it was various “specialist” websites that she caught me looking at instead of one pertaining to mental health.  I felt slightly better after talking about it so I put off my trip to the GP for a while.  

After a few weeks from my “self discovery” things hadn’t gotten better so I went to the GP where I was prescribed a course of Citalopram, an antidepressant.  The potential side effects and what not scared the b’jesus out of me so I was hesitant but ultimately decided to go ahead.  I’m so glad I did.  The effects weren’t immediate but after several weeks I was starting to feel like my old self again.  At the height of my depression I would have shuddered at the thought of spending any extended length of time with my daughter but since starting treatment, we’ve had several father/daughter days out.  We recently had a family trip back to the U.S. and I even contemplated just a father/daughter trip there!

I’m very optimistic about the future and I think I’ve kicked this thing.  My antidepressant course is due to end shortly so we’ll see in few months whether I’m in the clear.  

Ele

My husband has post-natal depression.  It's easy to say it out loud and talk about it now but when he first told me five months ago that he thought he may need some help, it's fair to say I was at a complete loss as to what to do or say.

Our beautiful baby girl, Alice, is now nine months old.  My pregnancy was as straightforward as they come, the birth was textbook and so far, touch wood, we've not had any problems that every new parent doesn't experience at some stage.  In short, there were no red flags that one of us may be at risk of post-natal depression. That's one of the reasons it came as such a shock to me when Steve said he was struggling.  Yes, he had not been himself for a couple of months.  He had been more distant; wasn't engaging with Alice; he had a shorter fuse with pretty much everyone and everything; and all-in-all he had not been very fun to live with.  The idea that he had post-natal depression though was a real shock to me.

For a start, I had no idea men could have post-natal depression.  It's no surprise really, given the enormous impact having a baby has on life, but I'll admit it had never occurred to me.  I wanted to do anything and everything I could to support and help Steve, and I told him so, but had no idea how to do that.  If I am honest though my very first reaction, at least privately, was fear.  What did this mean for us?  Would we would end up separating?  What if he never bonded with Alice?  She was turning into an amazing little person and I was terrified he was missing it.  I have past experience of living with people with depression but this only made me more fearful now.  I know what a long-road it can be and how difficult it is.  I was scared and although rationally I was sure we would be fine, I couldn't help but think of worst case scenarios.     

A lovely lady from Poynton PANDAS had attended our local postnatal class.  I'd not given it a second thought until now but wasn't sure whether they could or would help me, so I got in touch online.  Their response was immediate and so reassuring.  I went along to their next group, not sure what to expect, and I am so glad that I did.  Just talking to other people who had experienced similar problems helped.  I knew instantly it was a safe place to voice all of the worries I had, even the ones I knew were a little on the ridiculous side, and to answer the many many questions I had.  I left that day with a much better idea of what Steve was going through and how I could support him.

Steve went to talk to our GP, who was really supportive, and he's now on a course of anti-depressants. It would be wrong to say that things are perfect, but they are much better now that we've both found help and support.  Post-natal depression is no longer something that hangs over us like a black cloud and I no longer worry it will define Alice's early life.   

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you need support with maternal or paternal ante- or post-natal illness contact Poynton PANDAS at psppoynton@aol.co.uk or via facebook www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

To find a support group near you check out PANDAS Support Group page http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-help/support-groups.html#.VUjmiJMYFQI

Free stuff if you Like and Share!

Dear Mums (and dads) (musn't forget you dads)

I am writing to you to let you know of a marvellous offer if you like and share

my blog post.

You see I am trying to find a way to motivate you into action. I've got my long list of "personal motivations to act" in front of me and I'm working my way down it, trying to find a way to get you to say (through the power of social media) that you very much "like" and will definitely "share" this.....

What is it? Will I love it? Will it impress my friends? Will it leave my husband in awe of his amazing wife who can keep a clean house, occupy the children meaningfully, walk the dog and look like a princess?

Tell me, tell me.... What's in it for me? There's got to be something in it for me?



Well dear mums and dads. This is my offer to you. Give this post a like and a share and you will get  FREE....... support if you need it. You see around 1 in 7 mums (although this figure is likely to be more like 1 in 5) and 1 in 25 dads (how they measure these things, I'll never know) suffer from ill mental health during and after pregnancy. So that means that for every antenatal group you're taking part in mums or for every footie match you're watching dads (sorry to be so sexist), there is likely to be at least one person in that group or on that pitch that feels like

It could be you. You could be that person that feels like poo. It could be your best mate but you may never know. Because us mums n dads have a very clever way of hiding how we feel for fear of the shame. What will my mum/dad/sister/boss/cat think?

So this is my message to you. There is support out there to get better and a LOT of it is FREEEEEEE. GPs, Health Visitors, some NHS Trusts run free counselling, CBT, Mindfulness sessions. FREEEEEE Peer Support via Twitter every Wednesday 8-9pm #PNDhour, free peer support groups where you can meet like-minded people who are going through the same stuff. This is common people. Really common unfortunately.

So, please today like and share this blog post. Just cos you might be helping someone who needs it.

If you need us we are here www.facebook.com/poyntonPANDAS
If we are too far away from you, look here http://www.netmums.com/local-to-you/local/index/support-groups/antenatal-postnatal-support
Or for more information on perinatal mental health please visit http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Get Liking and Sharing folks.....

Guest Blog from South Manchester PANDAS. "My pre/postnatal depression story" by Hannah

My name is Hannah and I am Mum to two gorgeous boys – Alex (aged 5) and Daniel (aged 2).  In hindsight I had postnatal depression after having Alex but never sought any advice or professional support.  At her second (and last visit) I remember the Health Visitor asking me the questions to “score” my mood and her commenting on how down I appeared.  But she then explained that she was about to go on maternity leave herself so gave me the phone number for the health visiting team if I had any problems!!  I was very tearful and I definitely struggled to bond with my baby but put this down to a very traumatic labour.  My strategy for coping was to be very busy and relied very heavily on my family.

When Alex was two we decided to try for a second baby and was very fortunate to conceive quickly.  Whereas I had had bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy, (including being sick every day for 9 months!) I was much worse with my second pregnancy!!  Even before my booking-in appointment I had ended up in hospital due to dehydration and was told I had hyperemesis gravidarum.  It’s even difficult for me now to imagine how terrible I was feeling at my worst but I remember lying in the dark, unable to move, thinking that I had three options: to commit suicide; to have an abortion; or to somehow get through the next 8 months.  Thankfully, I went for the third, but at the time it could very easily have been one of the first two options. 

I am certain that being so physically drained was a factor to me developing prenatal depression.  I sobbed at consecutive midwife appointments and talked about how it felt like my unborn baby was a parasite.  She persuaded me to see my GP who then referred to the Crisis Team at hospital as he felt unable to prescribe antidepressants during pregnancy.  Unfortunately, even though I explained to the psychiatric nurse how awful I felt and that I thought that my unborn baby knew it wasn’t loved, this was a dreadful appointment and I was told to contact them again once the baby was born.  I was in a terrible place and I ended up paying for numerous sessions of counselling (where I sat and cried for an hour each week) but eventually stopped as I felt I couldn’t justify the cost.

Thankfully my second labour was much more straightforward and I wasn’t scared or worried about not bonding with the baby as I knew that would come in time.  However, I wasn’t prepared for my low mood to worsen.  The midwives who visited me at were concerned and a psychiatrist visited me at home.  I was happy to try an antidepressant but was also determined to breastfeed.  This wasn’t because I felt I should or that I ought to, but because it was the only thing that I felt I was “good” at.  It was the only thing that I could provide for my baby.  Having said that there were times when I literally fed him then felt so repulsed by him (yes, a strong word, I know) that I passed him to whoever was looking after us.  I didn’t even want to be in the same room as him, thoughts that I am ashamed to share even now. 

Unfortunately it wasn’t until the fifth antidepressant that I tried that worked.  As it’s essential that you take each one for about 2 months, to assess whether it is working, this was a painstakingly slow process.  Thankfully the Crisis Team that I had seen during pregnancy had agreed to put me on the waiting list for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy so Daniel was only a few months old when I started this.  I found it immensely helpful and still practice what I learnt on an almost daily basis.  I have also been fortunate enough to have some excellent counselling on the NHS in the past year which has been incredibly beneficial: just a shame that the waiting lists are as they are. 

It may surprise you that for about the first five or six months I managed to hide most of the above from the vast majority of my friends – both old and new.  My strategy, again, was to keep busy – have groups and classes to get out the house for and “put on the smile”.  I kept hoping and hoping that the tears would stop coming, the feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness and failure would pass and that the guilt would be suppressed.  But eventually it just became too exhausting to keep up the “mask” and I had to be honest with my friends about how much I was struggling.

As well as the medication and therapy one of the most important parts of my recovery has been the support I have received from local Mums who have suffered as I have.  Just being able to go specialist support groups where I felt understood and not judged was absolutely invaluable.  Even if it was somewhere to go to laugh one week and cry the next it was just what I needed.  Not to feel alone in my struggles. 

I believe that the pressures put on Mums now a days – how to act, look, respond, socialise, feel etc etc. is immense.  There are decisions to be made at every stage of motherhood – breast or bottle; controlled crying or not; dummy or not; puree or baby lead weaning; the list goes on and on.  We can feel judged and insecure in our decisions and when combined with sleep deprivation our mood and self esteem can be hugely affected. 

Thanks to the support, therapy and mediation as well as my awesome family and friends, I now feel “well” and am in recovery.  I have remembered (and sometime re-learnt!) how to be “me” again.  I now do things that I enjoy, just for me and try hard not to compare myself to others.  I have met some wonderful people in the past few years and know that good will come from the lows that I experienced.

I feel passionately about changing the attitudes towards mental health and specifically about perinatal mental health.  I believe it is not something to be ashamed of and hidden as it is scarily common, just not spoken about.  I have been brought up as a feminist but also now understand that pregnancy and giving birth changes absolutely everything about you, physically and emotionally, and the adjustment can be an enormous one to cope with.  Although women are incredibly strong and capable of amazing things, I believe we sometimes need help and support to manage with everyday life.  This is why I am proud to be involved in the South Manchester PANDAS support group.  I hope that here women will also be able to find the support and friendship that I found – whether it be a place to laugh together, to cry, or just to be.  You’ll be very welcome. 

South Manchester PANDAS hold peer support meetings bi-weekly on a Thursday morning between 10.30-12pm, at the Home Community Café, Emmanuel church, Barlow Moor Rd, Didsbury.  We hope to see you there.

If you need any further information please contact Hannah or Lisa at southmanchesterpandas@yahoo.com or find us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/PNDsupportsouthmanchester for up to date information on support group meetings.

Other Local Support Groups:

Poynton PANDAS: Drop-in support group is held at St George's Church Hall in Poynton on Mondays (term time) 10.45-12.15.  Email psppoynton@aol.co.uk – free

Butterflies: Every Monday during termtime 1.15pm-2.45pm Reddish North Children’s Centre.  Relaxed play session with snack and song time for Mums with PND

Beat the Blues: The first Thursday of every month 7pm-9pm Progress House, Cale Green www.beattheblues-stockport.co.uk  Cake, chat, craft and alternative therapy sessions for £3.

HART: Art for Mums with PND in a relaxed and informal setting, Fridays 10am-12noon, Greg Street, Reddish, www.artsforrecovery.com