With recent figures suggesting that 1 in 7 mothers have some form of mental health problem following the birth of their child, and a Guardian article from 2014 showing a rise in doctors prescribing antidepressants, particularly among women, I wonder what has gone wrong? These days it seems that modern motherhood is so challenging that you won't need to chat to too many mums before they admit anxiety, insomnia, stress and the fact that they too take some form of antidepressant.
I often wonder whether our society has a lot to answer for. Dispersed families, both parents working silly hours, the "have it all" generation. Hmmmm I somehow feel we have so much stress in our modern lives that something has to give. Inevitably it's our mental health. After all, there's only so long you can run on that treadmill and juggle all of those balls and babies before you pop. I'm guilty of it myself. I learned very quickly that success in life wasn't all about achieving, working hard, achieving, working harder and always striving for that perfect life. Except that perfect life, I now realise, is the one we are living now. Not the one that we will get if we clean our houses more, run around in endless circles more, connecting with endless friends on social media more. No this life is happening now. Right now. Stop. Look around you. What do you see? Probably the people that mean the most in the world to you than anything. They're here and needing us in this moment. Just slow down and connect with your children. They won't be little forever but that hoovering will still be there.
If you look closely at us modern mums you will often see wild eyes, sometimes with a little adrenaline tick in the corner. An inability to concentrate or to hold a conversation. Trying our hardest to keep a lid on those bubbling feelings of "if one more thing goes wrong today, I'm really going to lose it". Pick us up and give us a shake and you'll hear the familiar rattle of a bottle of pills. We're popping antidepressants like vitamin tablets. We're at the end of our tethers.
Modern motherhood sucks!! There's too much expected of us. A recent question on a local mums social media page illustrates my point. "How do I get a balance in my life when both of us work full time and we have two small children?" The lady was quite clearly sinking but the answers given didn't acknowledge her subtle cry for help. The answers told her to go faster,do more, schedule, plan, batch cook, lose your mind. Having succumbed to postnatal depression for a number of reasons; social isolation, exhaustion and having very high and unrealistic expectations of myself, I would now give this answer. Modern motherhood is a bitch. But you can chose whether you enter that world with dreams of clean chubby faces, clean ironed linen, meeting every deadline, running around in circles, engaging in every social occasion, cooking healthy meals from scratch every night and killing yourself in the process. The alternative is a messy house, some healthy meals, lots of fun, no unrealistic deadlines and being really gentle and kind to yourself.
This is the time in our lives that we will look back on with the biggest regrets and I guarantee you it won't be about not achieving those standards we set ourselves, it will be because we didn't spend our time with the most precious things in our lives - our children.
Modern motherhood is hard but you can choose how you tackle it.
Rhiannon xx
