Poynton PANDAS

Poynton PANDAS
"We truly believe that when you talk to others who have been through similar things, you take the first step on the road to recovery"

Saturday 30 May 2015

Milk allergies, sleep deprivation and the postnatal depression haze




Hi my name is Alyssa and I'm a relatively new Poynton PANDAS Group Member.

My son J is 2 and I am slowly adjusting to life as a mum.  It's not all rainbows and butterflies like some people lead you to believe.  I had a good pregnancy, easy labour, I turned up at hospital fully dilated.  I went on to have the perfect water birth, in fact I would do that again tomorrow.  However it all seemed to go downhill from then.

In all honesty the first few months, if not first year of J's life is a blur to me.  We had feeding problems which resulted in a short hospital stay after J was born.  I ended up having to express and cup feed J for what seemed like forever.  Eventually 2 weeks in I broke down and 'gave in', I started to give J formula.  Now I know what you're thinking. I bet you thought that would be a lot easier.  In J's case though it wasn't as that was the start of our journey, which ended up with him being diagnosed with Cows Milk Protein Allergy.

J spent most of his newborn days crying and sleeping very little.  We put this down to him being a newborn baby, that's what they do isn't it.  However he would cry for a feed, take ages and fuss when feeding.  Then he would be unsettled for ages before finally falling asleep for maybe 20 minutes before the cycle started again.  I lasted 4 weeks before he had a sleepover at grandmas.  I physically couldn't function I was getting barely 3 hours of broken sleep a night.  When he went to stay at my mums I wasn't remotely upset, I didn't miss him.  This then made me feel guilty for not missing him , sounds daft doesnt it.


When J was 4 months old I went to the doctors about him having reflux but I ended up breaking down on the GP.  I got referred for CBT and given Anti Depressents.  At the time I didn't think CBT was that helpful but looking back it has definitely made me question my thoughts and feelings when I am feeling down.  I found the fact I did CBT 1 to 1 and in person was a big help to me rather than an online course.  I ended up stopping my AD's as I ran out and got into the cycle of not being able to go to get another prescription.  At my worst point I was to afraid to go out of the house incase J started crying and people thought I was a bad mum as I couldn't make him stop.  Eventually with the help of others I managed to slowly walk round the block each day and built it up.  Everytime I went out I just secretly hoped that I wouldn't bump into anyone.


When I finally made it back to the GP and started back on the AD's I noticed a massive difference.  I still take them now but that is nothing I am ashamed of.  I am in a much better place now but still have my down episodes but I can notice when it is happening more now. One of the things I find helpful is getting out of the house even when I don't feel like it.  That is where Poynton PANDAS has come in handy.  I also suffer from anxiety and going out and J playing up is part of that worry.  I have been made to feel welcome at the group and have explained to Rhi this problem.  This in itself is half of the problem solved as I know if J does play up they understand.   Most recently with evil teething I have been having a bad time but I made myself go to the Poynton PANDAS group and can safely say that it lifted my mood whilst I was there.

I actually started a blog as a coping mechanism for my PND www.mumtomonster.com  It was a way for me to get my feelings and thoughts out of my head.  It has now turned into an online diary as such and a way to store memories as I cannot remember so much of the first year because of the PND haze.  Depression is nothing to be ashamed about and I have never had a problem opening up about it.  This was one of the things that annoyed me as apparently talking about depression helps you recover, but in my case it didn't.

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If you could do with some understanding company when times are hard, come to Poynton PANDAS weekly drop-in support group.

Every term time Monday 10.45-12.15 at St George's Church Hall, Poynton.

For more information email psppoynton@aol.co.uk

www.facebook.com/poyntonPANDAS

Monday 25 May 2015

The fear

fear fɪə/

noun: fear; plural noun: fears

    1.an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

    synonyms: terror, fright, fearfulness, horror, alarm, panic, agitation, trepidation, dread, consternation, dismay, distress. 

 


When I got poorly the first and the second time, the thing that drove my illness and fed my illness was fear. My fear would come in the evening and build up to a crescendo of distress by the time it was bed time. Bed time was the thing I dreaded the most. The next morning was my second biggest fear.

In both cases there wasn't really any perceivable threat. There was no bear to fight off during the night and my house wasn't under attack. It just felt scary. Well perhaps not scary but there was a definite overwhelming feeling of dread and foreboding.

The first time round I was poorly and stressed from work. This had led to a feeling of being caught on a hamster wheel where the only possible solution I could find at the time was to go faster. Surely my distress with the constant deadlines and demands of meeting multiple clients' needs would be to multitask more? To do more. Doing more and going faster would get me to that end goal and the world would be a better place. Right? Wrong....

The second time I was poorly the symptoms were identical. The way I reacted to my symptoms was the same too. This time though the clients - a dynamic duo born on a hot sweaty day, were even more demanding than the last lot! These guys didn't know the meaning of clocking off and played me like a fiddle! With each feed taking an hour plus and winding and burping another 20 mins, by the time I had put one down the clock was ticking. I had an hour and a half before twin 1 needed more milk and I hadn't even started on twin 2 yet.  The demands of a busy advertising agency had nothing on these. These clients were the toughest yet and their little cries had a hotline to my heart.

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm

This fear or THE FEAR as I now call it is remarkably clever. It sneaks in when you're at your most vulnerable. For me it never escalated above agitation, insomnia and the odd panic attack. I'm well aware that for some dealing with anxiety, THE FEAR is terrifying. THE FEAR for some is constant, unwielding and very very frightening. Intrusive thoughts, psychosis, paranoia coupled with a foreceful desire for it to end. I know in some ways I got off lightly but it didn't feel like that to me at the time.

THE FEAR unfortunately still lives on in me. It's not always there but can tiptoe up to me and touch tackle me from time to time. It's made a return for a couple of weeks again . It's decided to take up residence in my mind for a short while. I know why it's come back. It's because I took my eye of the ball a bit. I forgot that in order to fight THE FEAR I needed to be fully armed and in cohoots with its arch-enemy Calmness and Confidence. Hey where did you guys go? Oh yes.... you ebbed away when I started doing too much again. I got cocky didn't I and started to juggle too many balls again. Let me slap my wrists.

I need to ensure that I prioritise me as much as I can in a busy household where others' needs seem far more pressing than my own. Cancel those unnecessary engagements, throw away that to-do list, baton down the hatches and let's concentrate on me and my needs for a bit. It's a matter of survival you see. THE FEAR according to a very clever counsellor can be combatted, in my case, by not going into battle with it. By sitting with it and acknowledging it and by being very very kind to myself. Wish me luck. See you on the other side.

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If you need help with dealing with anxiety. please contact:
Poynton PANDAS (pre and postnatal depression and support)

email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk

www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

Free drop-in group every Monday during term-time
St George's Church Hall, Poynton
10.45-12.15






Thursday 21 May 2015

Dear Sally




Dear Sally

I received a message today. It came from PANDAS Foundation. It said very little. In fact it just had your name, email and telephone number. I was really happy to get your message. I was pleased that you have reached out. My name is Rhiannon. I'm 38 years old and mum to 3.5 year old twins Will & Bea. I run Poynton PANDAS Support Group in Cheshire.

So I wonder what brought you to the point where you sent the request to PANDAS? Are you poorly or are you concerned about someone else? Have you been diagnosed with pre or postnatal illness or do you need a chat about your symptoms?

Let me tell you a bit about me and the group. As I said I'm Rhiannon and I'm a volunteer peer supporter. There are 5 of us all together - well 6 if you count Julia our counsellor - she's fab! We've all suffered from pre or postnatal illness and we're surprised how it has affected us all so differently. You see I didn't get ill until my twins were about 6 months old - it was mostly anxiety and insomnia for me. For our other volunteers it was different. Some were really poorly during pregnancy but much better postnatally and not all of us have suffered with every baby. Anyway I'm digressing..... How are you?

All I know about you so far is that you would like to join our group. I really hope you do. We run a small, welcoming and friendly "baby & toddler" style group. It's free and you can bring your little ones too if you want to. One of the main things we aim to do is provide a weekly, safe place where parents can chat. It can be hard at first for our new members as they often feel so much shame when they first arrive. We can meet you first for a coffee if you would like. We can come down to the carpark and help you walk into group for the first time. Whatever makes you feel comfortable really.

You'll get a brew and biscuits and plenty of time to talk about what's happening with you. You'll hopefully feel a massive sense of relief knowing that you're among people you can be honest with. No more hiding or pretending required with us.

We sometimes have an artist who comes to do arts n crafts with the kids. We sometimes have volunteers who show us how to massage our babies and toddlers but most of all, we just sit, drink tea, play with the kids and chat.

I hope to meet you soon,



Rhiannon.

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Poynton PANDAS - a support group for parents suffering pre and postnatal illness
Every Monday during term-time
10.45-12.15
St George's Church Hall, Poynton

email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk
www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS


Thursday 14 May 2015

"I'll see if we've got time to see you this YEAR"

These are the words that have been ringing in my head all afternoon.

Hi I'm Rhiannon. I'm a mum. I've been poorly with postnatal depression. I'm better now thank goodness. I've been trying to help other parents ever since. Since September 2012, my little team of mums have given their time voluntarily to help other parents who are struggling with the crippling symptoms of pre and postnatal illness.

So when I speak to a local Health Visitor in order to meet with her team to be able to deliver the good news that we can help their heavy workload, we can provide support to poorly parents .... you can probably understand why the phrase "I'll see if we've got time to see you this YEAR" has got under my skin. 30 minutes was all I asked for. 30 minutes to tell them we exist, we are here, we have helped nearly 70 mums in 2 years and the final sell "Please will you let poorly parents know about us".

It's not much to ask is it?

Oh wait it seems it is. I had a similar response from the local GP surgery yesterday. "We are booked up for the next few months". "We'll get back to you"..... Hmmm why don't I believe them?

What about the Children's Centre.... surely they will be keen as mustard to be able to tell parents that a peer support service exists in their town. It's a place they can go every week and feel some relief from knowing they're not freaks of nature and that being poorly with OCD or anxiety or horrible intrusive thoughts or insomnia does not make them a bad parent. In fact they are in good company because as many as 1 in 5 new mums will feel this way. No still waiting......

I remember very clearly feeling so desperately lonely. I was a mum of twins in a new village struggling with PND. I went to the doctor - they gave me pills and no support. I went to the Health Visitor, they came to see me once. No further support. I would have given anything to be able to speak to another mum and just say how it was. I would have given anything for that other mum to say "yeah me too"!!! I see such relief on the faces of our mums when you listen, understand and support them and what's more understand them.

There are days I feel so close to giving up doing this. There are days when I want to stop phoning and emailing people who aren't interested. People in powerful positions who could just say "yes" "give us some leafets" "we'll let people know about you". But today is not that day.

Poynton PANDAS
Peer Support Drop-in Group
Mondays (term-time) 10.45-12.15
St George's Church, Poynton

www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS





Tuesday 12 May 2015

Getting a handle on depression




Hi my name is Rachel and I'm a Poynton PANDAS Group Member.

I have suffered with depression a few times in my life and I have mastered a few techniques which most certainly help fight it and I hope keep it at bay. I’d like to share them with you so that hopefully you might find some of them useful to your situation. Everyone is different and what works for one may not work for another but I have found some basic principles and tools which do seem to help and if it’s ok with you I’d like to share them with you.

Although I didn’t actually get depressed after having my little boy, the sleepless nights, hormones and the lack of support made me at times very irritable with my husband and a nightmare to be around which I’m not proud of. Luckily my husband could see I was unwell and eventually accepted I needed help. But I got back on track and have been well for several months now.

But I’m no stranger to depression or the Black Dog as Churchill referred to his depression, when I think back I remember those awful feelings, how it feels to want to hide away from the world, do nothing and curl up in a ball. To basically feel like you are a stone statue unable to move, it can be very debilitating. Coupled with anxiety it makes for a vicious circle. Staying home in your house and avoiding people just makes the symptoms worse – along with the fact that you have a little one wanting to go the park or play means on top of all that you feel guilty. It’s hard. Anyone who sees people as weak with this condition are just plain ignorant. Like any illness, we just need the right tools to pick ourselves up and get well again.
BUT there is light at the end of the tunnel – like thousands of others I’m proof of it – these are simply my thoughts and tools I use –  I hope you find some tips from today and you come away with hope rather than despair. Feel free to ask any questions.

1)      Depression is not a lifelong prison sentence even if it feels that way right now – you can come out of it and live a happy fulfilling life. You can enjoy life again. With the right tools this will happen.
2)      Depression does alter your view of the world around you, the way people perceive you and the way you perceive yourself and others. Remember and accept this negative view is part of the illness and not the reality. Be kind to yourself.
3)      When all you really want to do is hide away under the duvet if you were to do that it would just perpetuate the condition for longer and most likely worsen the symptoms. Think beyond how you feel right now and visualize a time in the near future when you are well again and happy – its not far away.

Tools for improving mood

EXERCISE
Light cardiovascular exercise – a walk in the forest, a gentle run in the park with your kids, playing with your dog, a half hour swim – it doesn’t have to be too strenuous to have an impact – but it will release the feel good hormones, endorphins and automatically make you feel slightly better even if you didn’t want it to. When the last thing you want to do is some exercise – just think – this is going to help me and in half an hour I’m not going to feel as rotten as I do now. In short, it works! Choose something you like doing – maybe you could persuade your partner or a friend to join you in a dance class every week – that would encourage you to commit to it too.
I’ve been practicing yoga for many years and find that very therapeutic too – it centres the mind whilst relaxing and calming your thoughts. I feel focused and energized afterwards. As mums we don’t have much spare time so other ideas are dancing round the living room to some of your favourite music with your little one. My son loves it! Getting away from the house on your own though has many beneficial effects – you need a bit of me time each week.

HEALTHY FOOD
Everything we eat has an effect on our body and on our mind. I find eating lots of slow releasing energy carbs such as oats, quinoa, brown rice help balance my mood (and blood sugar). Along with lots of fresh unprocessed foods – fruit and veg, cheeses, fish. Oily fish such as salmon, trout, anchovies has EPA and DHA Omega 3 fatty acids which have been proven to prevent depression and improve brain function – this is why eskimos hardly ever suffer with depression. I eat salmon at least twice a week.

I drink very little caffeine nowadays (which gives me spikes of caffeine highs followed by tremendous lows), I instead drink Aldi decaff ( the best instant I’ve found!) or a Nespresso decaff for a treat or chamomile and honey tea. I also drink lots of sparkling water. I’m impressed by how good decaff in cafes is nowadays too and I don’t get that awful shaky feeling afterwards.
I find chamomile brilliant for reducing anxiety- the sister of depression as many of us know. Valerian tea is apparently even more effective at reducing depression but I’ve not tried it myself yet.

If you are one of those girls who rushes for chocolate when feeling down (and I still love chocolate!) then try something equally as sweet like mango, banana or berries and melon – these are going to give you that sugar hit but do you a lot more good in the process. I invested in a juicer which is really good as I love the sweetness of the juices and it curbs my desire for mounds of chocolate later on. Equally if you can manage a small amount of chocolate and it makes you feel better then perhaps use it as a reward for doing one of the other healthy actions. I found dark chocolate and slices of pear quite nice and hits the spot!
If you are feeling anxious light foods such as melon, berries, steamed veg are good for calming you. Avoid any spicy foods which could make you feel worse.

Unsurprisingly cutting out or dramatically reducing alcohol (a depressant) and nicotine ( a mood de-balancer to say the least) will definitely help. I gave up smoking eight years ago after reading Easyway to give up Smoking by Allen Carr- no gimmicks, no nicotine replacement, no cravings. Best thing I ever did.

MINDFULNESS

This is doing an activity where you are 100% absorbed in that activity and don’t have chance to think bad thoughts – it is brilliant! Different activities work for different people of course and choose something you love doing. For me I cook, knit, jog and practice yoga. All of them help me to switch off. Mindfulness can also be being aware of all your senses – for example a walk in the forest – listen out for different birdcalls, smell the pine trees, listen to the dog barking etc.
This article is proof that knitting and other textile making hobbies really do calm anxiety levels and help soothe.

AROMATHERAPY

For relaxation and to curb anxiety, I find lavender and basil oil excellent at reducing stress levels – I put a couple of drops of one or the other on my pillow at night and I forget all about my worries. Equally I put about 5-10 drops in total in the bath which also works well. Chamomile oil and rose oil are good although personally I’m not keen on the smell of the former – bit of a haystack!
You can blend them with carrier oils such as jojoba or almond oil and put them on a tissue to carry around if you need to.

ACUPUNCTURE

One particularly bad bout of depression affected my sleep pattern and I became an insomniac for the first time – I was waking up 5 times a night (worse than after having my son!!) so after going to the GP who could only offer sleeping pills which I didn’t want to take, I was walking past a Chinese acupuncture practice where the sign – “cure insomnia” suddenly caught my eye. It was a complete revelation and within two sessions I not only slept normally again but I felt like a light had been switched on in terms of mood – I felt my old self again – definitely worth it – personally I would recommend a Chinese acupuncturist rather than Western one as they train for seven years in China and you can find a list of recommended practitioners with TCM online.
In acupuncture, depression occurs when the liver (responsible for mood) is not functioning properly and the acupuncture rebalances the chi (energy) in the body and mind and strengthens the liver.

SUPPORT

It’s amazing how important it is to have a good circle of friends around you that understand what you are going through. Sometimes if your partner is not being as supportive as you would like a friendly ear is just what you need to keep going.
As well as in the real world, social networks can be useful occasionally – on Facebook I discovered a page called Project Happiness which has some brilliant advice and posts.

BEING GRATEFUL

I write three positive things that happened to me each day at the end of the day. It makes me realise things aren’t as bad as I sometimes think they are.

I rest when I can – I no longer overdo it – I have to accept I can’t do everything I want to do and I realise that for me this works and keeps me well which as a mother and wife is my responsibility. 


In summary these are my tools that I use to keep depression at bay – I hope some of them will help you too.


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If you would like support in managing and overcoming depression please come along to our drop in group on Mondays at St George's Church in Poynton.

Email: psppoynton@aol.co.uk

Or visit www.facebook.com/poyntonPANDAS

Tuesday 5 May 2015

My husband has postnatal depression



Steve

I had no idea why I was feeling like I was feeling.  Our daughter was very happy and healthy and my wife embraced her new role as a mother.  I attributed my feelings to a lack of sleep and dealing with the momentous change that happened when our daughter was born.  I had read articles that “love” between a father and his child can take some time to develop so I wasn’t too worried. 

I’ve never really felt comfortable around kids.  Growing up my brothers would interact with the baby cousins and I just could never find myself “googooing” and “gagaing” and doing that kind of stuff.  However, I figured when my own child was born I would have no choice and it would come naturally to me.  Anyway, after my daughter was born I did what I could in terms of looking after her so I jumped in with the baths and changing and feeding occasionally.  My wife breastfed so I would do an occasional bottle feed to give my wife a break.  

After a few months of doing the dad thing, I found myself not feeling right.  I was very irritable and generally being a bit of an asshole.  Evidence of this is in the swear jar that had something like 200 pounds in it after 3 months (1 pound a swear in front of my daughter)I remember grudgingly doing things that my daughter needed.  I hated feeding her, dressing her, hearing her cry, everything.  It was bad but I attributed it to lack of sleep or something.  After all, I wasn’t aware that paternal postnatal depression was a thing.  As part of my embracing of my new role as a dad, I started following various social media sites to read articles about fatherhood/parenthood and maybe laugh at some of the unfortunate incidents around diaper changes!  Anyway, one of the sites I followed posted a clickbait article that was titled something along the lines of “we need to talk about a condition affecting dads.”  You’ve seen the type of headline so I figured it’d be something about exercise or getting enough sleep.  It was actually about some of the symptoms of paternal postnatal depression and it was like reading a diary of my recent life.  It was very eye opening and it prompted me to do some further research.  Being me, I like to be sure about things before going further with any formal treatment.  While I had my various browser windows open, my wife saw what I was looking at and we talked about what I was looking at.  To be honest, I would have rather it was various “specialist” websites that she caught me looking at instead of one pertaining to mental health.  I felt slightly better after talking about it so I put off my trip to the GP for a while.  

After a few weeks from my “self discovery” things hadn’t gotten better so I went to the GP where I was prescribed a course of Citalopram, an antidepressant.  The potential side effects and what not scared the b’jesus out of me so I was hesitant but ultimately decided to go ahead.  I’m so glad I did.  The effects weren’t immediate but after several weeks I was starting to feel like my old self again.  At the height of my depression I would have shuddered at the thought of spending any extended length of time with my daughter but since starting treatment, we’ve had several father/daughter days out.  We recently had a family trip back to the U.S. and I even contemplated just a father/daughter trip there!

I’m very optimistic about the future and I think I’ve kicked this thing.  My antidepressant course is due to end shortly so we’ll see in few months whether I’m in the clear.  

Ele

My husband has post-natal depression.  It's easy to say it out loud and talk about it now but when he first told me five months ago that he thought he may need some help, it's fair to say I was at a complete loss as to what to do or say.


Our beautiful baby girl, Alice, is now nine months old.  My pregnancy was as straightforward as they come, the birth was textbook and so far, touch wood, we've not had any problems that every new parent doesn't experience at some stage.  In short, there were no red flags that one of us may be at risk of post-natal depression. That's one of the reasons it came as such a shock to me when Steve said he was struggling.  Yes, he had not been himself for a couple of months.  He had been more distant; wasn't engaging with Alice; he had a shorter fuse with pretty much everyone and everything; and all-in-all he had not been very fun to live with.  The idea that he had post-natal depression though was a real shock to me.

For a start, I had no idea men could have post-natal depression.  It's no surprise really, given the enormous impact having a baby has on life, but I'll admit it had never occurred to me.  I wanted to do anything and everything I could to support and help Steve, and I told him so, but had no idea how to do that.  If I am honest though my very first reaction, at least privately, was fear.  What did this mean for us?  Would we would end up separating?  What if he never bonded with Alice?  She was turning into an amazing little person and I was terrified he was missing it.  I have past experience of living with people with depression but this only made me more fearful now.  I know what a long-road it can be and how difficult it is.  I was scared and although rationally I was sure we would be fine, I couldn't help but think of worst case scenarios.     

A lovely lady from Poynton PANDAS had attended our local postnatal class.  I'd not given it a second thought until now but wasn't sure whether they could or would help me, so I got in touch online.  Their response was immediate and so reassuring.  I went along to their next group, not sure what to expect, and I am so glad that I did.  Just talking to other people who had experienced similar problems helped.  I knew instantly it was a safe place to voice all of the worries I had, even the ones I knew were a little on the ridiculous side, and to answer the many many questions I had.  I left that day with a much better idea of what Steve was going through and how I could support him.

Steve went to talk to our GP, who was really supportive, and he's now on a course of anti-depressants. It would be wrong to say that things are perfect, but they are much better now that we've both found help and support.  Post-natal depression is no longer something that hangs over us like a black cloud and I no longer worry it will define Alice's early life.   
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If you need support with maternal or paternal ante- or post-natal illness contact Poynton PANDAS at psppoynton@aol.co.uk or via facebook www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS

To find a support group near you check out PANDAS Support Group page http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-help/support-groups.html#.VUjmiJMYFQI