Steve
I had no idea why I was feeling like I was
feeling. Our daughter was very happy and
healthy and my wife embraced her new role as a mother. I attributed my feelings to a lack of sleep
and dealing with the momentous change that happened when our daughter was born. I had read articles that “love” between a
father and his child can take some time to develop so I wasn’t too
worried.
I’ve never really felt comfortable around
kids. Growing up my brothers would
interact with the baby cousins and I just could never find myself “googooing”
and “gagaing” and doing that kind of stuff.
However, I figured when my own child was born I would have no choice and
it would come naturally to me. Anyway,
after my daughter was born I did what I could in terms of looking after her so
I jumped in with the baths and changing and feeding occasionally. My wife breastfed so I would do an occasional
bottle feed to give my wife a break.
After a few months of doing the dad thing,
I found myself not feeling right. I was
very irritable and generally being a bit of an asshole. Evidence of this is in the swear jar that had
something like 200 pounds in it after 3 months (1 pound a swear in front of my
daughter). I remember grudgingly doing
things that my daughter needed. I hated
feeding her, dressing her, hearing her cry, everything. It was bad but I attributed it to lack of
sleep or something. After all, I wasn’t
aware that paternal postnatal depression was a thing. As part of my embracing of my new role as a
dad, I started following various social media sites to read articles about
fatherhood/parenthood and maybe laugh at some of the unfortunate incidents
around diaper changes! Anyway, one of
the sites I followed posted a clickbait article that was titled something along
the lines of “we need to talk about a condition affecting dads.” You’ve seen the type of headline so I figured
it’d be something about exercise or getting enough sleep. It was actually about some of the symptoms of
paternal postnatal depression and it was like reading a diary of my recent
life. It was very eye opening and it
prompted me to do some further research.
Being me, I like to be sure about things before going further with any
formal treatment. While I had my various
browser windows open, my wife saw what I was looking at and we talked about
what I was looking at. To be honest, I
would have rather it was various “specialist” websites that she caught me
looking at instead of one pertaining to mental health. I felt slightly better after talking about it
so I put off my trip to the GP for a while.
After a few weeks from my “self discovery”
things hadn’t gotten better so I went to the GP where I was prescribed a course
of Citalopram, an antidepressant. The potential
side effects and what not scared the b’jesus out of me so I was hesitant but
ultimately decided to go ahead. I’m so
glad I did. The effects weren’t
immediate but after several weeks I was starting to feel like my old self
again. At the height of my depression I
would have shuddered at the thought of spending any extended length of time
with my daughter but since starting treatment, we’ve had several
father/daughter days out. We recently
had a family trip back to the U.S. and I even contemplated just a
father/daughter trip there!
I’m very optimistic about the future and I
think I’ve kicked this thing. My
antidepressant course is due to end shortly so we’ll see in few months whether
I’m in the clear.
Ele
My husband has post-natal depression. It's easy to say it out loud and
talk about it now but when he first told me five months ago that he
thought he may need some help, it's fair to say I was at a complete loss
as to what to do or say.
Our beautiful baby girl, Alice, is now nine months old. My pregnancy
was as straightforward as they come, the birth was textbook and so far,
touch wood, we've not had any problems that every new parent doesn't
experience at some stage. In short, there were no red flags that one of
us may be at risk of post-natal depression. That's one of the reasons
it came as such a shock to me when Steve said he was struggling. Yes,
he had not been himself for a couple of months. He had been more
distant; wasn't engaging with Alice; he had a shorter fuse with pretty
much everyone and everything; and all-in-all he had not been very fun to
live with. The idea that he had post-natal depression though was a
real shock to me.
For a start, I had no idea men could have post-natal depression. It's
no surprise really, given the enormous impact having a baby has on life,
but I'll admit it had never occurred to me. I wanted to do anything
and everything I could to support and help Steve, and I told him so, but
had no idea how to do that. If I am honest though my very first
reaction, at least privately, was fear. What did this mean for us?
Would we would end up separating? What if he never bonded with Alice?
She was turning into an amazing little person and I was terrified he was
missing it. I have past experience of living with people with
depression but this only made me more fearful now. I know what a
long-road it can be and how difficult it is. I was scared and although
rationally I was sure we would be fine, I couldn't help but think of
worst case scenarios.
A lovely lady from Poynton PANDAS had attended our local postnatal
class. I'd not given it a second thought until now but wasn't sure
whether they could or would help me, so I got in touch online. Their
response was immediate and so reassuring. I went along to their next
group, not sure what to expect, and I am so glad that I did. Just
talking to other people who had experienced similar problems helped. I
knew instantly it was a safe place to voice all of the worries I had,
even the ones I knew were a little on the ridiculous side, and to answer
the many many questions I had. I left that day with a much better idea
of what Steve was going through and how I could support him.
Steve went to talk to our GP, who was really supportive, and he's now on
a course of anti-depressants. It would be wrong to say that things are
perfect, but they are much better now that we've both found help and
support. Post-natal depression is no longer something that hangs over
us like a black cloud and I no longer worry it will define Alice's early
life.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you need support with maternal or paternal ante- or post-natal illness contact Poynton PANDAS at psppoynton@aol.co.uk or via facebook www.facebook.com/PoyntonPANDAS
To find a support group near you check out PANDAS Support Group page http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-help/support-groups.html#.VUjmiJMYFQI
No comments:
Post a Comment