I’m Melanie (on the right of pic), mum to 5 fabulous kids, Imogen, Jessica, Hugh, Henry, and Emilia.
All those very many
years ago when I first became a mum, life was simple and good. Yes, there were
breast feeding problems, anxieties about how I would look after them, sleep
deprivation, etc but on the whole I could cope. Post natal groups and support was
plenty, I made good friends, in fact I would say the time with my two little
preschool girls was amongst the happiest periods in my life.
Then we moved and within a short time I was pregnant for the third time. I wasn’t near family and friends anymore and when he finally arrived there was no post natal group offered to me, and I began to feel increasingly alone. When I filled in a questionnaire which highlighted to the health visitor that I may have PND I got a phone call asking if I was ok. I lied, not wanting to be a failure and not wanting the stigma of mental illness and that was the end of any support. I suppose they presumed I could cope because I already had two children but the reality was different. My self esteem plummeted as I found it difficult to make friends, I became more isolated and just functioned without enjoying life, even though I had three lovely happy children.
With nowhere to turn and with no one to talk to things got worse. When I became pregnant again I was still suffering from PND and after his birth my self-esteem was so low that I just wanted to disappear. I stopped eating and I did begin to disappear the weight fell off me. At first this made me feel good but I couldn’t look after all my children and not eat. I developed bulimia and this continued for years… Low self esteem led to bingeing, bingeing lead to purging, purging led to self loathing and low self esteem. I was trapped.
Then crisis point came one new year's eve when I wanted to make not existing a reality. I finally realised I needed medical help and set on the long long road to recovery. It was very difficult in truth with good days and black days but I got there, trying many different approaches along the way.
I have since been blessed with Emilia, and as an older, more confident mum it has been much easier.
I have no doubt that with more support in those early days my story would
be completely different which is why when approached to help set up Poynton PANDAS I
didn’t hesitate. I want other mums to have what I didn’t have, simply someone
to talk to, someone who won’t judge and who will understand. It is incredibly
important.
If you feel you need support email us at psppoynton@aol.co.uk
